My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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