I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
