Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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