does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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