Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
