I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
