how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
