happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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