mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
