i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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