moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
