New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
