I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
