you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
