Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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