so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dick very happy bro
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
