HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
