I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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