If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
