It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
one two three fourrrrnication!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
