Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
