I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
