He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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