So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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