The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
