im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
