his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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