Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
