The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
