i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
