omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
