Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
