I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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