Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
