I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
