i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
