Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
