She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
