but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
