Swine flu. Run for my life!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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