Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
