I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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