I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
