HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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