I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
