I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We talked him into tasing himself.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize
