Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
