Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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