Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
