May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
