I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
