Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
