I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
