I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
there was a trapeze. enough said
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
