twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
