Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
