wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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