Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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