My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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