it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
