TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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