I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
