I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
